Phase 3 approaching fast

Thanksgiving is coming and I have many milestones behind me and people in my life to be thankful for. At the top of the pile of thankful events is the deployment phase of this journey is coming to a close. K is on the way home from Afghanistan as I write. Getting home for him is like planes, trains, and automobiles…or maybe more like camels, helicopters, and cargo planes. Needless to say, it’s a long trip. I know he is thankful to be making it no matter how convoluted and drawn out it is. Every leg of the trip is one step closer to a real bed, good food, green grass, and an internet connection that works all the time.

When people hear that K’s coming home, inevitably the first thing they say to me is, “You must be so excited!” I never know how to respond without looking like a complete ass. Sure, I’m relieved that he’s coming back in one piece. Beyond that, I’m cautiously optimistic. Last time K returned from a deployment it did not go well and continued to not go well for quite some time. Some of that was thanks to the Army’s lack of support for returning soldiers at the time, some was due to my inexperience and inflated expectations, and some was due to how K was handling his return—or not handling his return—and all the issues inherent in that. It was sort of a perfect crap storm. We hope with the knowledge from past experience, this time will be better or at the very least, shorter.

The return from deployment is the hardest part of this cycle for both the soldier and the family. Unlike what the general population may like to think, it’s not like the world is suddenly righted when a soldier comes home. There’s no burst of sunlight through the clouds, nor do unicorns frolic in and out of a double rainbow—although that would be novel. A typical year brings with it all kinds of natural changes. Kids get taller and more mature, rules change, new routines are established, and challenges are overcome. In the case of military families, new bonds are forged with the people you come to rely on, whether it be at home or in a war zone, soldiers experience the stress of combat and homesickness, and families struggle to maintain some sort of normalcy and spouses manage single-parenting logistics ad nauseam. Those extra layers of change are the most effecting. You learn a lot about yourself—your limitations, strengths, tolerances, priorities. The complication comes in when you try to reestablish your life as a family the way it used to be before the deployment. Life does not go back to “normal” after a year apart. To think it will is certainly optimistic, but definitely not realistic. You have to establish something new or at the very least, different.

Creating anything new takes work—and a whole lot of it. The problem in the case of forming a new post-deployment life is that it’s being taken on by mentally and physically exhausted people who really don’t have the luxury of rest because life is not stopping while they gather themselves. You can imagine that sometimes it’s a bit like watching a drunk person try to navigate a corn maze. Sometimes they make a lucky turn and other times they fall down on their ass and wonder which direction is up. Eventually they get through it, but it takes a long time and many run-ins with dead ends. Much like not being able to catch up on sleep when you have been sleep deprived, you can’t really catch up on a year apart even when you do your best to communicate. There will always be a swath of events, inside jokes, and stories that you will not have in common and can only hear about so many times before you feel like an outsider. The soldier doesn’t really understand what the spouse goes through and the spouse certainly does not know what the soldier goes through (unless they have served as well). I call it the Immutable Law of Forced Distance Over Time. I’m sure some would argue that soldiers have it worse than those left at home, but those same people are probably not the ones who are left behind. Personally, I believe the hardships are borne like church and state: separate but equal. I can promise that if couples start trying to pick apart who had it worse, resentment will flourish like goldenrod in Fall. Understanding that it wasn’t easy for anyone is probably the best stance to take no matter which side of the equation you are on.

Is there a magic trick or secret for a successful post deployment life? If I knew the answer to that, the book would be written, and I’d be a bit richer not to mention in a completely different frame of mind. Every couple’s relationship is different and some weather these times better than others. I also know not just from experience, but from seeing other military couples go through the same thing that people underestimate the force, frequency, and duration of the ripples a deployment can cause even in the steadiest of relationships and inevitably it takes them by surprise. Like I said, I cannot offer answers because I don’t have any—nor do I believe that the techniques used in one relationship’s success translates into success in another’s, but I think the best thing for anyone dealing with life after deployment is to dig deep and find the extra patience and compassion it takes to get through each day until that new life kicks in. Soldiers need to accept that life at home went on because that’s what it does and you can’t just reinsert yourself and think that will work, and spouses need to understand that coming home is not just culture shock, but a completely different mindset to adjust to that goes way beyond coming home at the end of the day from work. Being in the military is a 24/7 lifestyle and not a 9-5 job. Both need to recognize that shifting gears is not easy and that somewhere there is still common ground to stand on. You just have to find it and go from there.

Beyond those general insights into what life post-deployment is like, I would like to offer a piece or two of advice to people welcoming home soldiers. First, please try not to say things like, “You must be glad/happy/overjoyed to be home!” That is a given. Wouldn’t you rather be home than being shot at in the mountains of Afghanistan or the sands of Iraq? You could just say you are happy they are home, or ask how they are like you would anyone else. Letting soldiers know they are appreciated and that you care about them is fantastic and important, but please don’t ask if they will have to go back again soon. Let them enjoy being home. And don’t ask their spouses that question either. We don’t care to think about doing this again anymore than the soldiers do. In many cases—especially in the Guard—the answer is either “Not at all” or “Not for a while” anyway. If they will be leaving again in the future, you will hear about it when the time is right. Instead, you might want to ask if they have special plans now that they are back or something to look forward to like a vacation or new job.  Just remember that soldiers are not sideshows and you should be fine.

When K gets home, we plan on being as low-key as humanly possible for a bit. It’s thisclose to Winter up here and the instinct to hibernate is pretty strong as it is, but wanting to simply adjust to being civilians again will be even stronger. We will be having a quiet Christmas with the kids and will get around to visiting family and friends once K has had time to work through the 8.5 hour time difference and remember that every other word he says doesn’t need to start with “F.” We are incredibly grateful to everyone who has helped us get through this year whether you sent care packages, watched the kids, or just listened to us when we needed an ear. Your contribution to making the last several months bearable will not be forgotten, I promise. We count ourselves lucky to have such understanding and loving friends and family and we hope you know that we are happy to return the favor. We are thankful for you.

In closing, I know I haven’t been around here much and I apologize. My absence is due in part to just being busy with the kids, my freelance work, and various obligations. The other reason I’ve been away is because many of you who read this know me and K in real life, and honestly, it would be easier to write about some of the bumps we experience if you didn’t know us. Anonymity ensures that social gatherings aren’t awkward. I’ve been struggling with what to write quite a bit because we are fairly private people. Do I believe it’s good for civilians to get a glimpse into the realities of military life so they can see the extent of what gets sacrificed? Most assuredly, yes. Am I ready to lay everything out there in detail? Apparently not. And I’m sure K is not ready for that either and I respect his position on the topic. I’m still in the middle of it, and as much as I try to be level-headed and objective about how the deployments have effected us and the kids, it is tough to put a positive spin on it all the time as I had intended. There are days when the deployment and all that goes with it just flat out sucks and there’s not much more to say. I think I’ve probably mentioned before that I’m not the most positive person in the universe, but I’m working on improving my outlook every day because I refuse to lug around the anger I was left with last time we did this. In any event, I appreciate having readers at all. I’m grateful that you enjoy my writing and care about what happens. Like the deployment itself, keeping this blog has been a learning experience for me. I’m not giving up on it, so please bear with me in the coming year as I figure out the best angle to approach it from. In the meantime, have a lovely Thanksgiving!

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Progress Report

I love the smell of new months…even if that month happens to be February, the longest shortest month ever. But I’ll forgive February this year because I can see grass, which I haven’t seen from November to April the previous 2 years we’ve lived here. Thank you, Mother Nature, for cutting a sister some slack. My apologies to the Mid-Atlantic for getting smacked with what was no doubt meant for us.

Thanks to those of you who expressed concern (both on and off-line) regarding my last post. I would like to assure you all that we are doing fine here. Probably 90% of the time things are normal and the kids and I are happy. What I am trying to do with this blog is be as honest as possible about what we go through during this unusual time moment in our lives–including that 10% of the time when I’m considering selling the kids on the black market or cursing the universe for the need for a deployment in the first place. I tend to want to work things out on my own first, if I can, before I go to others, but if I’m really having a problem, some of you will hear about it in person long before it makes its way to the blog. So if this is the first you are hearing about a problem I or the kids have had, that’s because it has either been dealt with already to my satisfaction, it’s nothing too major, or I’ve put some distance between me and it and feel comfortable sharing it publicly.  Also, I’m a private enough person to really consider what I throw out into the blogosphere before I type away. I’m grateful for your input and comments and observations though, but please don’t be too concerned. It’s just life and we get through it just like everyone else. We just have a few different wrinkles than the majority of the population.

Let me also say that the most important lesson I learned last deployment was to ask for help before things go off the rails, so I promise that I really do get the appropriate help when it’s needed. I could not be more proactive than I already am about seeking out the right people for assistance. Even with my delusions of grandeur about my own superwoman abilities, I do know my limits when it comes to single-parenting and I’m not afraid of asking for a hand. So no worries!

In fact, I’m tickled to say, this week has been a huge improvement over last. That being the case, I thought I would update the forward momentum of some of my goals.

• K has given me some links to sites that I will find useful in giving a round-up of what’s going on in Afghanistan while he’s there, so I can inform those of you who are interested. I’m starting my reading and research and deciding how to boil it down here a la Cliff’s Notes. Communication with K will be spotty for a while, but sometime in the next couple months that will iron out and we’ll get some regular updates from him. I will let you know when he gets where he’s going.

• Monkey is having a better week and managing some differences in his school routine really well and getting rave reviews for it. He is getting used to a whole lot less TV and seems to be enjoying playtime (especially with his moonsand this week) very much. We’ve been reading more and playing games, and he must be happy because he tells me daily that he’s glad I’m his mom. Phew! His attention span for talking with K online is short, but now that K has use of a headset with microphone, Monkey can see and hear K, which makes it easier for him to communicate. Hopefully that will help with how much he misses K and, in turn, reduce his frustration and acting out at school.

• R and I had our first Girl’s Night Out last night! We hit the pottery painting place and dinner at Applebee’s, and in spite of showing up to the pottery place not too long before they closed (much to the chagrin of the girl working there), we had a nice time painting. R picked out a box shaped like a heart with wings and I picked a little bowl with no particular purpose yet. We decided to work on our pieces over time rather than rushing through and ending up with crap. That should help with cost too because I won’t have to pay for pottery pieces each time we go, just half the studio fee. I’m already looking forward to the next time and can’t wait to show off my little bowl.

• Thanks to my new menu plan (I’m not calling it a diet, dammit!) I’ve finally shed some pounds and feel better and like I might just meet that particular goal after all. Now I just need to maintain the momentum. It’s taken more discipline than I knew I had to stop eating off the kid’s plates and snacking like crazy while I wait for the bus to bring them home. I make the kids take care of their plates as soon as they are done eating which heads off any misplaced obligation I feel to clear the plate so as to not waste food (and cuts down on the amount of cleaning I have to do). Instead of hanging out in the kitchen surrounded by the temptation of cookies and cheese and chips and chocolate while waiting for the bus to come, I wait in the living room where I can see when it’s coming just as well and read a magazine for a few minutes. I was good last night when R and I went to dinner and had a salad and water. I told R that I was not allowed to eat her fries or leftover burger and she did a good job keeping them from me. I’m trying to stick to 4 400-calorie meals a day and it was a tad early to go off the plan, so I think I did a pretty good job. I didn’t feel bad when we left, so I’m happy.

I’m still working out every day (mostly), doing my Passive/Aggressive routine: rotating between yoga, kickboxing, and running w/some strength training thrown in. I am sore as hell all over but I’m actually enjoying (for the most part) working out and challenging myself that way and grateful to see some changes for the better in my body. Of course the most challenging part is just fitting exercise into my schedule, but I’ve been managing and sometimes Monkey even joins me. He likes some yoga poses, so I’ll pull a mat out for him and he’ll practice too. I have to say that getting the Wii along with Wii Fit Plus has been a great catalyst for helping me acquire the motivation (and nagging, frankly) to stick with this so far. I don’t think I’ve worked out for over a month solid in a very long time. I’m considering picking up another “game” next month—it’ll be my reward for keeping up with my program. I’ve got about 15 more pounds to go, and I suspect they will not go willingly so I need to mix things up or I’ll get bored and quit and be right back where I started…unemployed (and fat) in Greenland. I’m considering getting either EA Sports Active and/or its companion, My Fitness Coach, or Gold’s Gym Cardio Workout (for the boxing). Guess I’ll just have to see where I am in a month and what I think I’m lacking and go from there. It’s nice to have so many good options though.

• I’m still ironing out my writing schedule but sitting down to scribble away daily even if when or how long I write isn’t the most consistent. Most of the time it’s just the hour before I have to be up with the kids, but sometimes I tack on a few minutes here and there depending on what I’m working on. I’ve found a day-long workshop I’d like to attend locally, but I’ve got to think about that some more before I commit since that involves kid logistics as well. I’m still on the hunt for some online courses or workshops and finalize what contest I’d be eligible to compete in, but I have time for that still. All-in-all though, I’m comfortable with the start I have and hope that once I’m clear of freelance work (that I’m hustling to get done), I’ll have more time to devote to writing. At least I’m on the write (haha) path, so to speak.

While my to-do list this week is longer than I care to acknowledge, I’m happy with the headway I’ve made this week and the forward movement all around. K is going to be heading off to a different training area soon so we’ll have limited  communication with him for a bit, and no doubt the kids will have some issues with that, but they’ll get through it and we’ll be creative about how we include him in our day to day lives. In the meantime, we are off this weekend to visit with family and celebrate my big brother’s birthday. I’ll be back early next week to talk more about life among the deployed.

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Poll Dancing

Sometimes I think I have too much to say and I spend a lot of time self-editing/censoring and thinking about how I want to present it and too little time actually writing it down. I’ve been thinking quite a bit about how to both keep motivated to write here, and what types of things to write about. I have some ideas, and I would love some feedback from the readers who will have to suffer through my posts. That’d be you.

So here is a poll for you to check the box for what you’d like to see here on a regular basis. You are also more than welcome to write in something deployment related you’d like to know about that maybe I haven’t touched upon. I’m open to suggestions, and I’m curious as to what you are curious about. You may pick more than one item and you may also add your own suggestion. You may only vote once, however.

Please do vote! I want this to be beneficial not just for me, but to everyone out there who would like to know more about life during a deployment. I can always use the guidance and I would rather have some concrete subjects than sit around flailing about not knowing what people would like to know.

So thanks in advance for participating.

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Talking about a revolution

I’ve decided that I’m ditching resolutions in favor of a full-scale revolution (defined as: “A sudden or momentous change in a situation.”). I don’t suppose it surprises anyone (besides me) that starting a revolution involves more than acquiring a theme song. Being a revolutionary takes thought, consideration, a fair amount of flexible scheduling and tweaking of said schedule. That’s mainly why I haven’t been here since I wrote about K’s departure. I have quite the year ahead and I’ve been trying out different configurations to my day to fit in the many components that make it up. I still don’t think I have it nailed down, but I’m figuring out how much I can realistically bite off and chew without choking.

New Year’s resolutions are not my forté by a long-shot. I don’t usually make them, and, in fact, probably would not have considered a revolution if K leaving hadn’t set things off. I need a good kick in the ass anyway, so I’m taking advantage of the timing which just happens to fall during that point of the year when everyone thinks improving themselves at the drop of a digit is a good idea. Unlike most resolutions that are made on a whim and a bad tradition, there’s a bit more thought involved in my case. As much as I want and am ready for a complete personal overhaul, I have to be kind of careful how drastic the change. Going through a deployment alters a person anyway, and making too many other changes has the potential for disaster in a military marriage. Sure, everyone changes from year to year, but generally (and hopefully) couples grow and change in the same direction or at the very least in each other’s presence. When you are apart, you can communicate new aspects of yourself, but until you are cohabiting again you don’t know if your new selves will mesh. Not many military marriages last and I’m guessing this is probably one of the many reasons. We are still working out the effects of the changes from the last deployment, so theoretically, I should be thinking of ways to minimize my contribution this time around. The other side of that coin is that I need to keep in the back of my mind the chance that K might not come home at all, and if that is the case, then I need to be able to support my family and be happy with myself and I’d rather hit the ground running in that case. Insurance money only lasts so long, and I want a career I love, not just a job to get by if I can swing it.

So, what will I be doing with myself this year? I guess I should lay out what’s already on my plate. I’ve got my freelance design business which is steady work and possibly more than I can manage time-wise most days. Once I finish my current obligations, I intend to scale back (more on this in a minute). I have my work with Monkey who needs extra help catching up. There’s the need to spend time with the kids both together and separately. I run the household, and that includes admin responsibilities (like bill paying, grocery shopping) as well as cleaning and laundry (with some help from R & K). Communicating with K is also on the list but is random and will only be more random as the year goes on. For the last year I’ve been taking art classes and I may slow down with it or switch it up with other types of classes, but I will probably continue to take one now and then. And lest I forget down-time when I get to goof off on my computer, read, and/or watch movies without guilt.

What does that leave time for? Maybe a potty break. Maybe. And a cat-nap. However, the two big and very important additions to my daily schedule are losing weight and getting my long sidelined writing career back on track. The two are not so disparate as they might seem. I am an eats out of frustration/anger/stress kind of person and I have spent the last couple of years being angry/frustrated/stressed but with a great kitchen. Probably not a good combo. I was angry about moving, frustrated at my new role staying home with a lack of time for the career I thought I should have, and stressed about the pending deployment. I’m no longer stressed about the deployment. It’s here and I feel confident we will be fine now. I am still not always thrilled about having moved, but I’m not so angry anymore either. I know I’m not leaving here for a long time, so I might as well try to enjoy it. That leaves frustration and 20 pounds to work off.

I have spent over 10 years doing graphic design, but I have spent the last 30 years wanting to be a writer. It is what I’ve gone to school for (twice) and the only career I ever imagined myself having. The graphic design blip has been a fun way to make a living, but I don’t believe it is where my heart and soul are. Hence the plan to scale back the design business once I’ve met my obligations. This decision is a rather big (if not inevitable) step for me. I had writer’s block for about 8 years and sadly thought I would have to give up my writing dream, but I have finally broken through it and have the compulsion to write all the time now. Granted, you haven’t seen me here, but I have been writing every day. I intend to keep it that way, too. I’m still working on a writing plan to make sure I post here with regularity while also working on my main goal for this year: to enter an essay contest (I have not chosen which among a handful of contests to enter yet). I’ve never been much of a fiction writer (although I do like to write short stories once and a while), but I have always loved feature writing and essays. I’m in the position to make this happen if I can marshal up my ambition and determination and scrape up some time. Many writers have built careers with far more going on in their lives. There’s no reason for me to not make the effort.

As for the 20 lbs. of edible frustration I packed on… Before K even left, I had begun working on the writing part of my planned revolution as well as the weight loss portion. Thanks to the Wii (Fit Plus) we got for Christmas, I am now geeked out enough to work out along with the family mii’s for at least 20 minutes a day boxing, running, and/or some other silly exercise option. It’s amusing (and sometimes frustrating), but it’s got me moving around and sweating in Winter, which, frankly, is unprecedented. It has also prompted me to get back into yoga and consider re-starting my favorite form of exercise, kickboxing (getting fit and hitting things? Oh yeah!). So, if I manage the frustration level and stick to writing instead of eating when angry/stressed/frustrated, I should be well on the way to being a lean, not-as-mean, writing machine.

Those are my goals. I’m a few weeks in and while I’m erratic with posting for the moment, I am building the habits and clearing the paths. And now that I’ve said everything out loud to the world, hopefully that will keep me honest. We’ll just have to see. I am hopeful though.

And lastly, just to update everyone on K’s life: he is still at his training facility and studying and learning as much as he can to make his job as intelligence officer a success. He loves the work and is feeling better now that he shook the bronchitis he was sporting while home on leave. This week they are training at a haunted abandoned insane asylum and he was very excited to check it out (even though he is without a spiffy specter detector). Maybe he’ll have a second career as a Ghostbuster.

Again, thanks for sticking with me as I iron out the details of my life as a single mom. Things should smooth out soon and you’ll be the first to know.

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Not gone, haven’t forgotten

Hello again! I didn’t mean for yet another week and change to slide by, but it has. In the tumult of teeth removal, Christmas preparations & field trips, the first (and now second) snow of the season, my new drawing class, and K leaving yet again, my brain has been everywhere and unable to really pull it together to write. Not that I haven’t wanted to or that I haven’t tried, I just haven’t completed. And honestly, it’s made me rather cranky. I not only love to write, but I need to write.

K made it to his mobilization station safely (as did Uncle P) and is going through more training before he comes home again for the holidays. I really don’t want to complain because I am glad we are getting some time with him, but the constant adjustments—especially around the holidays—is just chaotic and what I like to call “Death of 1,000 Cuts.” I’m always prepping for something rather than really enjoying what’s in front of me. I’m already pretty horrible at relaxing (in spite of being convinced I’m actually lazy) and this mental shifting sets me even more on edge and scatters my brain cells to the four winds. I think I might understand why Monkey sits and scratches if he is not at peace with change. I do pretty much the same thing mentally and I’m just as cranky as he is only it takes me even longer to come out of it. Sadly, I’m not known for cutting myself any slack so my frustration with myself compounds. Old dog, impossible trick. But I’m trying.

I always have high hopes and a big box of ideas and projects I really want to work on, but actually doing them takes time and motivation. Swinging back and forth between co-parenting and single parenting, not to mention the whole alone but still married thing, saps me of pretty much everything for at least a couple of days. Add to that the short days and long nights of a very drawn-out and ridiculously snowy winters and not hibernating becomes a full-time job. If I listed everything I felt during these transitions, you would A) think the men with the straight jackets were going to be along shortly, and B) understand why I’m behind in life.

In the next few days I’ll be catching up here with all kinds of non-angsty things (some with pictures!). I just wanted to let people know I haven’t dropped off the face of the Earth, nothing is wrong, and I haven’t quit doing this. See you tomorrow!

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What’s knocking around my noggin

I wish I could bottle whatever it was that made me so productive the last few days because it was a beautiful thing. Not only did I get several tasks accomplished and crossed off my list that normally would sit there undone for days, but I was able to think—and finish—several thoughts which is damn near unheard of around here in the land of chatty children. On Sunday, R. and I cleaned the house. I cleaned things I haven’t looked at since we moved in almost 2 years ago. Cleaning that much is not my normal routine. I do function better in a clean house so I try to keep it that way, but Sunday’s cleaning was a bit excessive even for me. I guess I needed to keep my hands busy so my brain could do its thing. I don’t think I’ve ever been more grateful for Clorox Wipes and orange cleaner.

Many things worked their way through my noggin as I scrubbed the stove and oven—some short story ideas that my never see the light of day, design ideas for a couple of jobs I’m doing—but chief among them was how to approach things here at Gainfully Deployed as we get deeper into this journey. My goals for writing this are to be honest about what goes on at home during a deployment and find the positive at the end of the day. While I have no intention of lying, I am not sure how forthcoming I want to be in a public forum like this either. Every life has its ups and downs and every relationship has one issue or another, but I think those problems are exacerbated and a whole set of new problems arise by being part of the military. It’s that part I want to get across to people who may not really understand or have even thought about it, plus I want to get past them myself with a fair amount of grace, and writing is what helps me work through problems. I think finding the balance between enlightening and TMI is going to be tricky though.  I value my privacy very much, but I also want to dissuade people of the notion that everything is right with the world again when a soldier returns home. If that were the case, I would not bother writing this blog because there would be nothing to learn.

Some days I resent this life attached to the military and other days I’m grateful for it. Nothing is purely good or evil and this is no different. I, personally, don’t enjoy living contradictions, but it seems that this time in my life is chock full of them, and reconciling everything in a positive light takes work and a whole lot of diligence. Being apart during a deployment changes everyone involved and when you come back together you have to hope that the new people you have become can at the very least peacefully co-exist with the intent to grow together in the future. I can tell you from past experience that the coming back together is the hardest part of any deployment, and I would be lying if I didn’t say it is the part that concerns me the most in all this. We still haven’t finished adjusting from K’s return from Iraq 4 years ago, and from talking to my friends from that time, I know we are not the only ones.

So why is all of this on my mind now when the deployment is just starting? K. is due home later this week and even though he’s only been gone a few weeks, there is still a mini-adjustment we have to go through on top of keeping the momentum of our new routine for when he is gone. He’ll only be home for a short time before leaving again and as much as I’m glad he gets to be with us even for a little while, I find these stops and starts difficult. If he were going to be home on leave and not have to work, or even if he were coming home and not leaving again, I might feel differently, but he’s going to be very busy with final preparations for his unit and not really available to help the way he normally would. It’s tougher on the kids than it is for me because I can control my expectations somewhat better, but these in-between times are just not normal. I know all of this leans on the negative side of things, but it’s really just background information. Putting life in context, so to speak.

Today is today though, and I’m going to enjoy the sunny, crisp, Fall day. I’m going to take Monkey to his OT session and have a chai at the cafe downstairs and relax for a change. I might work on those short stories or I might bring my colored pencils and do some drawing. When Monkey heads to school this afternoon, I’m going to focus and plow through some work that’s been on my plate for a while and then I’m going to help the kids with their homework when they get home and then I’m going to enjoy a quiet night with my dogs and sleep well. You really can’t ask for more than that.

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Sick or Treat

It didn’t take long for something to happen after K. left. Nothing like getting things out of the way early. Luckily for the kids Trick or Treating happens a day earlier in our town (why, I’m really not sure) otherwise they would not have made it out the door. Given how excited Monkey was this year to go candy begging, I would have been heart-broken for him to have missed it. He had a blast being Dash from The Incredibles, and his big sister was an “eraser” or assassin from her newest favorite anime, Black Cat. Of course not one single person around here would have known it, but she looked pretty close to the mark minus her hair. Hey, she was pretty happy with it, and I’m just glad the days of being a Princess of any kind seem to be over. As Lafayette says, “hallalujas, hallalujas.”

Here they are with R.’s BFF, S. (a corpse bride) right before the candy begging started. We were one of the first groups out and the kids had a blast.

Here are a few more from the evening’s festivities…

We took the kids around a townhouse complex and even though they maybe went to a third of the condos, they had quite the haul by the time it got dark and they (I) got tired. I did enjoy watching them run around all hopped up on the idea of eating their loot as soon as they slowed down enough to eat something. This was the first year Monkey really understood what he was supposed to do and he did it well. He was polite and excited. His big sister did a fantastic job of heading off as much peanut butter candy for him as she could. She’s a good kid that way and it’s nice that she doesn’t want him to die…in spite of her chosen costume. And that costume gave people pause on occasion which I thought was fantastic. I think a sparkly, blue-eyed, dimpled assassin would be pretty terrifying myself. Nothing like standing a stereotype on its butt.

They were both fairly wiped out by bedtime and they each woke up sick. It’s fevers and coughs all around now. Monkey has a runny nose, and R. has a headache. Yaya and Papa are here this weekend to hang with us and give me a chance to do some of my own things which I truly appreciate even at this early stage of things, and I really hope they won’t leave sick as payment for their good deed. I hate spreading germs around. I am doing my best to drink my ginseng tea and hope that the plate of Thea Sofi’s cranberry squares I have demolished will be a good vitamin C supplement. Thanks, Thea Sofi! The kids layed around watching horrible Disney Halloween movies all day between coughing and napping and not eating their candy. With any luck they will forget they have candy and I can get rid of it before I feel obligated to eat all the good stuff for them.

I did knock out one project yesterday afternoon while the kids rested and my folks kept an eye on them. I worked in the upstairs part of our barn and got it organized. Uncle Fungus had been living up there off and on since April and now that he and K. have left for duty, I was able to go up there and sort through some of the piles of boxes and organize things so that I would know where everything was. We still have a ton of unused space up here and I intend to keep it that way. I say this as one entire, and very large, shelving unit holds all mine and K.’s childhood memorabilia. That’s about half of the boxes and storage containers up here. Of that group, I would say that 75% of them are mine—and I’m not really that much of a horder. I have to go through the boxes and cull many things, but not today. I did peek in some of my boxes and found many examples of my earlier writing. Barely touched journals, papers from middle school, high school, college and grad school, and a play I wrote with a friend in high school called “Cheerleaders from Heck” which I pulled out to read along with a journal I kept my senior year of high school for my Advanced Composition class. We were to pick someone specific for our audience and I picked my future kids so they would know that I was like them once too. We’ll see how that goes. Funny thing is I still write for my kids for that same reason. Sometimes what goes on on the outside isn’t representative of what’s going on inside and they are too young to get it anyway. But someday they won’t be and I would like them to know. I was surprised to see just how passionate I was about writing even back then. Back in high school and college I had A Plan. On the one hand I was quite proud of myself for working towards my goals even back then, and on the other hand, I was sad to see how far I had strayed from those dreams. I can honestly say that writing—or wanting to be a writer—has been the one constant in my life. I may not have been as diligent about doing it for many years, but the desire never went away. I’m glad I boxed up that young, ambitious woman I used to be so that I could find her again. I think she’s going to come in handy this year.

 

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The plan, Stan

Writing here so much lately has truly been a joy for me. It’s been so long since I’ve wanted to write–even been excited to sit down in front of a blank screen. For eight long years, I found the thought of writing just painful. The words were here, lurking about like a bunch of crusty hermits but refusing to come out. But now! Now the cave door is open and I feel so much less…verbally constipated. I’m so giddy about writing again that I’m getting back into my other blog attached to my business where I write about some of my projects and the art that I’m learning to do. The blogs are entwined in that they both record my journey in new areas of my life. I am using these blogs to hold myself accountable for my goals in each part of my life and stay on task especially when I seem to be letting stupid things get in the way. That being the case, I’m going to try to alternate more between the two rather than burn myself out on both at the same time. If you don’t see me here, it’s because I’m over there. It’s still early in my plans and routines are still being made and tweaked, so I’m sure some things will change as circumstance dictates. But for now, that’s the plan.

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