Let the games begin: Part 2a

Welcome back, readers! Thanks for bearing with my absence. The Army decided to make me play “shift the space” with our holiday plans at the last minute, so I was scrambling to have our Christmas preparations done a few days earlier than planned. As soon as K got home we visited family for a couple of days, and by the time we got back and got settled into K’s last leave, I was just exhausted and needed some real down time and not just the pretend kind. But I’m back (with a vengeance!) and planning on catching up as much as I can.

Yesterday marked the first day of our “deployed” status. Or as I will call it here, “Part 2a” (2b starts when K leaves the country). Yesterday was also the day that we have been preparing and waiting for practically since the end of his last deployment. All the major changes we made in our lives for the last few years have been made to accommodate this single and long-lasting event. At 9 in the morning—in spite of the snow storm moving through our neck of the woods—K got on a plane to head back to his pre-mobilization station for another couple months of training before he ships out overseas. We won’t see him again until he either comes home on leave sometime mid-way through the deployment, or when he gets home at the end of the deployment. So, probably 4-6 months at the earliest and 11 months at the latest. Since we have little kids I’m guessing time will speed along faster than I expect just like always.

It’s hard to describe everything I felt yesterday without a twinge of guilt. For comparison’s sake, and as I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, when K left last deployment, I was more than a wreck. I’m not sure how much of that had to do with post-partum hormonal shenanigans and the tension brought on by caring for a preemie baby, but I worked myself up into such a state of anxiousness and worst-case scenario contemplation, I made myself physically ill. That, in turn, added a layer of shame and self-loathing for letting my emotions get the better of me, which then set off a frenzied undercurrent of self-doubt that I wouldn’t be able to handle everything. It has taken me a very long time to make peace with that particular feeling as it stuck with me like a barnacle for years. None of those early feelings were the best way to start a major life change, that’s for sure. In hind-sight, I couldn’t help but set myself up for failure (at least on my own terms—milage may vary with someone else’s perspective on my situation) given my complete lack of understanding of what a deployment entailed.

Our parting of the ways was so different this time. There were no tears, no drama (other than the fact that the snow plow guy showed up to clear the driveway just as our friend V came to take K to the airport causing a flurry of activity that cut into our last bit of quiet time together), no sadness, no worries, and best of all no vomiting. We made a couple of jokes, wished each other a good (safe) year, and I told K that I wanted us to find something positive in all this to make our separation worthwhile this time (and I mean to do just that). If I had to pick the major emotion of the day, I think we both felt relief that this whole thing was finally underway. Not only that, and I almost hate to say it, but I felt good. Confident and able. I’m ready. I wouldn’t say I’m excited exactly, but there are many things I’m really looking forward to this year (which I’ll share at a later date) that may not have come about if K were home. And I think K probably feels the same way about his new responsibilities for the coming year. While going to a dangerous place, he is also getting the opportunity to do some new things that really interest and excite him that he would not have been able to do had he stayed. I am also incredibly grateful that the back and forth is ending. We can get into a regular routine that won’t be interrupted every few weeks. And with the holidays over, I feel downright giddy at the prospect of some kind of new normal.

As much as I really disliked the coming and going of the last few months, I will admit that it probably helped the kids get used to K leaving as well as being gone. R was able to give him a hug and a kiss good-bye without crying either, and Monkey just murmured in his sleep. I’m sure they don’t quite grasp just how long he’ll be gone, and they will probably get hit later with missing K, but they were both great about everything. I took them to see The Princess and the Frog in the morning, and then we spent part of the afternoon outside playing in the snow (I shoveled and took pictures and they played). I got a few things done around the house, we had dinner together, and we hung out just like always when K is away. I purposely didn’t make a big deal out of our new change in status and the day passed quietly and with a few laughs even. I could not have hoped for better.

If I wish anything for us this coming year, it’s that I gain enough inner peace to compensate for the simmering anger I normally haul around, and that the kids stay as happy all year long as they were playing in the snow yesterday.

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Cold and colds

Winter is definitely upon us, and I don’t mean the snow (because right now we don’t have that much for us). However, the temperature has dropped below freezing the past few days, which is no fun. It’s been cold enough that CaseyJones has been sleeping on the bed with me and Zoe at night. He usually prefers his own bed to my crowded one, so I know the cold is affecting him too. The last few mornings the temps have been in the single digits and I’m getting to the point where I think 30 degrees is warm. I guess I’m adjusting faster now that it’s my third winter here. I’m not quite a local yet though, because I do not go food shopping in sub-zero weather wearing flip-flops. Don’t know that I’ll ever be that adjusted.

I’ve been trying to work through this cold weather and not let it set off the hibernating instinct even more, but I have picked up a new concern about the cold. We have a dog loose in the neighborhood, Leroy, and he has been a rogue puppy since March. He belongs to two of the shelter workers across the street and he got away one day and has not been re-caught in spite of numerous attempts. He’s been living in the woods behind our neighborhood and foraging in garbage cans and living off the kindness of strangers and forest animals I’m guessing. Leroy was abused and on his own for a time before the shelter workers took him in, so he is wary of humans and apparently knows how to survive by himself. Being the bleeding heart that I am when it comes to dogs, I used to try to leave him something beyond the electric fence line, but I haven’t in a while. He won’t come close to our yard because of Casey and Zoe. (Although I wonder if he is the one who killed that possum and left it in our yard.) I think our neighbors a couple doors down have left a shed door open for him to have some shelter and I think they feed him regularly, but I’m not certain. If I do see him, it’s usually in their yard.  I used to get really irritated when he would bark at 3 a.m., but with these extremely cold nights we’ve been having, I worry if I don’t hear or see him every now and again. Zoe spotted him the other day and I was glad to see his leash-dragging hide. He looked fluffier, so I’m guessing he’s gotten his winter coat too (Zoe is at least 1/3 bigger with hers). I would hate to find out on a snowshoeing expedition that Leroy had succumbed to the cold all by himself so everyone cross their fingers that he makes it to the year anniversary of his Great Escape.

K is suffering a different kind of cold at training (although it’s cold and snowy there too). He has an upper respiratory infection. That’s bad enough, but when you are away from home it’s that much worse. Add to that sleeping in barracks, and it’s the Army joke of “make it suck more.” K assures me that the drugs he’s been given work well enough for him to get some sleep (as much as you can when you share a room with other people) and help him function through some of his classes, but he is still feeling like crap after several days of it. He’s not the only one. I guess there’s a fair amount of kennel cough going around as well as a case or two of pneumonia. I hope he starts improving before making the journey home for Xmas. Looks like Santa’s going to give him a free pass to sleep in all day. In the meantime, I’m starting the kids on their immune booster vitamins so we won’t get an extra present this vacation. You all might send him some healthy vibes so he spends his last leave with us in relative good health. It would no doubt be appreciated.

And now I’m off to ignore the cold and drag the kids out into it for a trip to the library. After that, I’m spending the day in the kitchen baking baklava and making soups. It is, thankfully, warm inside.

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Commencing countdown 1a

Today starts the last month K. is home full-time before he heads off for training. It’s part 1a because he’ll be home for Thanksgiving. Then starts 1b until he’s home for Christmas, and then Phase 2 starts up after that. Poor K. is just completely bogged down with all the admin stuff that has to happen before he and the other guys leave. The bureaucratic paper piles on his desk keeps him from sleeping well and generally I just want to put him out of his misery. Because he is full-time in the Guard, he works hard before, during, and after a deployment with little break. Vacation time is either not always a possibility, or because he is conscientious, he doesn’t always fully enjoy time off…unless he turns off his cell phone and buries it in the back yard so no one can find him. That aspect of his job–the before and after–are actually more stressful than the during. At least while he is overseas he physically cannot spend time with us. The Army is 24/7, so we expect the unexpected especially during this time. Sadly, there are no comfy chairs involved.

So far I don’t have the anxious feeling I did last time he was leaving for training, although I do have this urge to completely clean and organize the house much like when I was pregnant with R. I don’t remember wanting to nest last deployment, but I had just had a baby so we probably already got it out of our system. The nice thing about this time, should I decide to clean, is that I’m not hauling around a medicine ball on my midsection. Makes dusting out the back of cabinets easier. I don’t know if I’ll act on these cleanliness urges any time soon…even though I did get a lovely package of Clorox Wipes from my Aunt D. for our anniversary… but I suspect I’ll be doing plenty of that stuff after K. leaves and it’s not like I need to practice.

This nudge closer to the deployment is like watching the gears of a clock make a quarter turn. The shift in my brain moves that much closer to “On My Own” and I start to get antsy. Part of me just wants time to speed up so the deployment is done, another part starts making lists in overdrive because I’m a freak that way, and another part of me really just wants us to have fun and not think this way at all. Luckily, I can multi-task. I’ve got babysitter interviews this week so I can find my help now instead of while in crisis mode later. We are getting ready for our weekend away sans kids and pooches (thanks Mom & Dad!) to include our last big shopping spree (tattoos and ipods all around!) before the deployment budget kicks in and spending becomes passé so we can save money and do some big things (mostly upgrades on the house, but a family vacation to WDW too) when K. gets back. I’m looking into a great program that helps pay for activities for military kids while their parent is deployed so I need to gather up all the proper paperwork to make that happen. Lastly, I’m putting together a list of smaller projects around the house that need tending to (like painting back over the pillow sized patch in the front hall that Monkey peeled off thanks to a little scratch that started the whole mess). I don’t know how many of these projects will actually happen, but I’ll never be bored. And honestly, that’s a comfort to me.

We are also figuring out the best way for K. to see people before he heads out. He’s going to make a solo trip to our hometown to visit folks there, and we are figuring out how to manage the holidays so no relative is left unhugged. We lucked out this week and had a surprise visit with K.’s Aunt K. (my late father-in-law’s sister) and Uncle V. We had a nice dinner where the kids showed just how nutty they could be but still managed to squeak in some welcome adult conversation too. K.’s Dad’s family lives farther west than us, so it’s not always easy to visit (right Mike?). We are hoping that when K. gets back that we’ll get around to road tripping with the kids now that they are older but still young enough to not be sullen the whole time. There’s a small window there after all. We hadn’t seen Aunt K. in about 10 years and she had never met either of the rugrats, so it really was the best surprise and I am so glad they caught us between crazy schedules. They could not be nicer people and I’m tickled to have gotten to know them a little better.

So now I’m going to fill our family calendar with all the things we like to do: visiting the Farmer’s & Arts Markets before they end, going to pick apples a couple more times, pumpkin picking, Monkey’s birthday festivities, visiting with good friends, Halloween costume planning, and some movie watching. The cleaning will just have to wait.

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Always be prepared

I don’t think anyone making decisions in the Army was ever a Boy Scout. They seem to know very little about being prepared. Or for that matter allowing their soldiers’ families the opportunity to be prepared. We are still waiting for something resembling a set schedule for all the pre-deployment training and schools that K. will have to go to before he heads overseas. He’s either leaving in about a month to start this, or he’s not. I have no clue. Last week it was one schedule and as of yesterday it’s another. It is, to coin an Army phrase, the Army SOP. Hurry up and wait. I have learned over the years to just wait until something actually happens before making plans. That is to say, I generally don’t make plans when the Army is going to have a hand in our family’s life. Well, I make plans, I just make them and not expect my husband to be a part of them. Makes for less disappointment and more surprises that way.

Unfortunately, I am trying to hire a couple of babysitters that will be my back up and my regular help while K. is gone and I’m having a tough time telling any of them what the time frame is that I may need them. While K. is home, we don’t really need a sitter because we are trying to spend as much time as a family as we can, so we aren’t going anywhere without the kids. My current plan is just to interview a few people tell them exactly what’s going  on without sugar coating or leading them to think something regular is going to happen any time soon and give them the option to be on call if they want. It’s the best I can do under the circumstances. It’ll have to do.

I started the morning off with a win today in spite of being vexed by the Army’s chronologic challenges. My daughter had “show and tell” at school today and she was trying to figure out what to bring. She thought about her American Girl doll but then decided on the boards she broke at Karate class this summer. She came up with that all by herself–I had forgotten she even had them. As a former (and sometimes still) tomboy, it thrilled me to the bone to see my girlie girl choose something so cool that could possibly make her intimidating to other kids. Ah, the boy that finally manages to appreciate everything she is, is going to be a lucky man. She’s got a beautiful pixie like freckle face with sparkling blue eyes and frilly tendencies, but she is so tough. She got stung by a velcro bee yesterday (it wouldn’t let go of her even though she was pounding the crap out of it to unstick it from her hand) and she did not cry once. She winced and hopped around a bit from the pain, but she yanked the stinger out immediately and went in and grabbed an ice pack. I am ridiculously proud of my girl. She is going to be one strong woman when she gets older. I can’t wait to see it.

I’m glad she is tough, because she’s going to need to keep that handy this coming year. She, unlike the Army, is more prepared that I could have hoped.

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