Poor Dead Ladybug

Ladybugs have ceased being cute.

They can be cannibals, as a matter of fact. How do I know this? You could credit Google, but you’d be partially wrong. I watched it happen and then I checked Google to make sure I was seeing what I thought I saw (and no, Tweetie, it was not a puddytat). Who knew those benign little beetles were so…Hannibal Lecter?

A few weeks ago I walked into the bathroom, and there on the floor not far from the toilet was a little grouping of ladybugs. That, in and of itself, is not so unusual given the epic numbers of ladybugs we’ve had in the house the past several months. Most of the time there are groups of dead ladybugs near every window like they all died trying to scratch their way out of the house. I would have been happy to let them all out if they had asked, but then they would have frozen anyway. Sometimes there are enough ladybug carcasses to make me wonder if they all died in a cult suicide pact only the little kool-aid cups are too small to be seen. We have a lot of dead ladybugs around the house is what I’m saying. Enough that I have to make a daily habit of cleaning them up or it looks like the outdoors came indoors to die.

Back to the little trio in the bathroom… They weren’t doing lines of coke (or dust, or dog hair given the contents of my bathroom floor which much to my chagrin—in the name of science—you will see. It wasn’t cleaning day, sadly.). I did think, perhaps, I was witnessing something from a Discovery Channel show on ménage à trois in the animal kingdom. Naturally, (and being more pervy than I thought I was) I got down for a closer look. (I figure one of the other ladybugs down there was watching, so what was one more set of eyes?) It took me a little while of watching to figure out that one of the ladybugs was, in fact, dead. It was only slightly mushed and I finally saw a trail of ladybug innards that was keeping the bug stuck to the floor as the ladybug underneath it was gnawing on its exoskeleton. Of course I had to take pictures. And maybe a movie or 4…

I haven’t figured out what the third ladybug was doing beyond working security. It did take a nibble at one point, but really was just standing around while the other ladybug noshed on the all-you-can-eat friend bugfet.

Here’s the best of the videos I took to show the one ladybug moving the dead one around. It’s a little shaky because I was using my regular camera and not a video camera. Still, it’s interesting to see them going at it, so to speak. (If the video doesn’t show below, click the link and it will take you to the YouTube page where it is posted and you can watch it there.)
Ladybug lunch

Once I had my theory, I had to Google it to see if I was right. After all, everything on the internet is true, right? I did find a site to confirm that when food supplies (normally aphids) are low, ladybugs will cannibalize each other. Icky, yet true. And, now, I’ve posted proof to the world on YouTube. I feel so…hip.

I had R come in to see it since she could share with her class (along with a newly shed snakeskin I found in the barn last week) about what she saw, plus she’s not terribly squeamish. I would have invited Monkey, but then he would have squished them all and the educational value would have disappeared in an instant even if the entertainment value would have increased exponentially. Still, it was interesting to learn something new about my roommates and we are not lacking for nature here in the Great White North if you want a lesson in life. For as uncertain as life can be, it is always a fascinating education to watch the natural world adapt around and in spite of us. Aside from the cannibalism, nature often inspires me want to work harder at adapting and adjusting to my own ups and downs better—to remember to work with what I have better and just keep going. Nature may not always be pretty or neat (or even socially acceptable), but since when was real life any of those things?

Read Full Post »

Reboot to the head

Every once and a while, when the planets are misaligned, the selfish ‘tween in me wants to scream at the universe for not making things go my way. I want the square peg in the round hole, dammit, and I want it yesterday! When I was growing up and picturing and planning my life, I can guarantee you it didn’t look like what I see on a daily basis. In actuality, I worked incredibly hard to avoid this very situation of stay-at-home-momness. I don’t mean to imply that my life is horrible or that I hate it—it’s not, and I don’t (97% of the time)—but it isn’t what I saw for myself (or what I had been working toward) either, and making peace with that, or just adapting my vision and shifting my time-line, is a challenge that enjoys rearing it’s pissy little head at me with regularity lately, and to quote Billy Crystal’s SNL character, Willie The Masochist, “I hate it when that happens.”

When the challenge of being the only responsible adult in the house is especially burdensome, I am as resentful as the next person in the bathroom after the toilet paper has been used up and not replaced. Maybe even a little more than that. When I get my wallow on, my resentment knows no bounds. I experience my own little bitter supernova. K is the easiest target (for being in the Army and leaving me to deal with the kids and every other little thing here at home by myself), but I like to throw in the Army (for giving us the means to add some tension and division to our marriage), terrorists (for being such evil asshats and the catalyst for my lack of in-person partner), feminists (for selling an ideal that for so many women is not realistic and, when unattainable, guilt-inducing), and finally my own expectations (should they be so high?). They all get a crack at making the top of the list depending on the time of day and the direction of the wind. I resent that K gets to go do the job he loves and have adventures (yes, I’m aware that it’s not all fun and games where he is, but it is different), while I’m home doing a job I sometimes think I’m ill-qualified to have and my biggest adventure is making it out of Target without one or both of the kids crying because they didn’t get whatever glittery piece of plastic junk they thought they would die without. My favorite ridiculous thing to resent is my graduate degree (it mocks me). On top of it not being useful currently, it’s a financial burden. Double the fun. Don’t ask where my diploma is because I can’t even tell you—I’ve hidden it that well. Eventually, I even get around to resenting being resentful. That’s what I call a productive day.

The trick is not letting resentment bubble over and snowball into something more grievous. I won’t know if I am successful at mastering that skill for a long time. Like I said, it’s something I struggle with. I don’t have a secret formula or 8-step program to make it go away, and I’m not so selfless that I can feel good about putting myself last indefinitely. I’m learning greater patience (thanks, Monkey) and I write to put those feelings more on paper than on people. In the end, though, life is what you make it. I know this. So I bust my ass to make sure that that resentment doesn’t take over (and really, who doesn’t want to let the crazy, bitter, chick take the wheel?! Talk about adventure! /sarcasm). I haven’t learned to shed those feelings completely—I’m neither Superwoman, nor perfect, nor remotely enlightened. You have to have time and focus to become those greater things and time is at a premium in my house and Focus is the kind of car K drives. The best I can do is try not to let those feelings rule my life and cloud my thinking, and, instead, make opportunities to create a different path to the life I envisioned for myself.  A Road Less Traveled, if you will (thanks Mr. Frost!) or if I may steal an over-used Hollywood phrase—a “reboot.”  Hey, it worked for Star Trek, why not me?

Yesterday was a day I let things get to me. I was just simmering and angry and in a mood to sell the kids, pack up the dogs, and go to parts unknown. I doubt anyone but me knew I was feeling that way which is a good thing. But not even kickboxing was beating off the dark cloud, and usually punching and kicking the standing bag across the room does wonders for me. Luckily it was really windy out and I had the option to be wussy and stay indoors until the wind died down and the sun came out. By day’s end, I had gotten a dozen hugs and kisses from my boy for no good reason, watched him voluntarily try veggies and like them (earning him a dozen hugs and kisses from me), help R work through a rough patch of missing her Daddy (which she tries so hard to manage on her own, brave girl that she is), and finally forced myself into a better mood by singing (thank you Incubus—you are always there when I need you!) as I cleaned up the very messy kitchen, took out the garbage, and tossed in a load of laundry (I know, it sounds like I stole my evening from Snow White…). I was even able to appreciate the clear night sky with its twinkling stars and bright half moon as I brought the dogs in from their last venture out for the night. When the kids were finally asleep and I had the benefit of a  few quiet moments, I thought about how to cut some corners into the round hole so I can choose the peg that works best for me, and I woke up feeling less resentful and more hopeful that the crazy chick will not find the keys to the car today.

Lastly, and somewhat off topic, Happy Greek Independence Day from a fairly independent, and—in spite of what I wrote up above—happy Greek. Zito Hellas!

Read Full Post »

K’s Big Afghanistan Adventure: My First Shura

K sent me a quick story to share with everyone today. Hopefully in future stories, he’ll send pictures too (nudge, nudge…).

A shura is a meeting of Afghan elders. My 3rd day here, LT. F. grabbed me to go to a Shura. Our interpreter is “Uncle Moe.” He is a naturalized US citizen from California, about 60 years old and a great guy. The Kandak Commander had called for a meeting of the elders of a village. They had a young man in their village putting in IEDs and he was mad at them. He wanted US Soldiers there.

The elders were right out of a bad movie. Crazy beards, sandals, huge turbans and most over 60 years old. Two were missing an eye a piece. The Kandak CDR (that’s an Afghan Battalion by the way) harangued them for about 35 minutes. Shouting and gesturing etc. Very animated—they shouted and so forth. He told them they were not true Muslims for allowing such things. Finally he got very very quiet and it scared me too. The result was a document was handwritten saying that they supported the Government and would behave. They put their thumbprints on it and walked out.

We then had lunch. Rice, chicken, naan and an orange. The mood was light and there were many jokes including the Kandak Commander joking that some of them were Taliban because their businesses were so successful.

The whole scene, if filmed by Hollywood, would have seemed cheesy and forced and stereotypical. It was a fine drama and I enjoyed myself too much. I had to refrain from smiling and laughing. The US Soldiers were really just a prop and I did my best to look tough and no nonsense.

Thanks, K! Looking forward to more of your observations and stories.

Read Full Post »

Pictures and less than a thousand words

It’s Monday and the start of a new week. But before we are all crazed about deadlines, meetings, chores, practices, and every other little thing, I thought I would take a moment to appreciate some of the better, and picture-worthy, moments of the past week.

About a week ago we had two of the neighbors over for a playdate. R & Big A are good friends from school, and Monkey and Little A are friends thanks to proximity and their older siblings. Monkey loooooves Little A and calls her his “best friend.” They are a riot when they play together running away from “monsters” and they are quite good at being formal when their big sisters dress them up for a ball (ah the vagaries of being the younger sibling!). You’ll notice Monkey is wearing a suit jacket and tie over his grungy weekend crew-neck t-shirt. Little A has been primped and powdered and made up within an inch of her life and is sporting a sash that says, “Princess” (in case you couldn’t get that from the bright pink foofy dress she is wearing). They were paraded down to the living room and danced to some Disney Princess song or other. Monkey is quite the charmer on the dance floor and as you can see from the second picture, he did twirl Little A about a bit with some grace. Is it too early to get them signed up for “So you think you can Dance?”

Like most of the east coast, we had a pretty good amount of rain within the last couple of weeks. That caused a pretty good amount of flooding in the field behind our house where it dips down. The kids have always loved when this happens–Monkey especially. He goes out back, rolls up his pants (and sometimes just removes them completely!) and splashes around in the mini ponds for over an hour. It is his favorite thing to do. He will sneak out there if I’m not paying attention, and I physically have to go remove him to get him to come in and eat dinner. He’s a little water bug.

So the other day, as I was assessing the clean up for the screen house attached to our barn, I’ve got half an eye on him as he’s standing out in the field. He yells to me something I hear as “Come look at the dust!” when, in fact, he was telling me to come look at the ducks. Curious why he’d want me to look at dust in the field, I trekked out there and sure enough, there is a pair of mallard ducks swimming along in the bigger and deeper of the puddles out back. They were a male and female who seemed completely undisturbed by the small boy yelling nearby and chattering at them as they dove for food and swam about. We talked about the ducks at length and I took some pictures for Monkey to take into school. Here are Mr. & Mrs. Mallard.

One of Monkey’s many favorite things to do on the fly is construct rock piles. I like to think of it as Cairn-building. Sounds way more cultured. So during the week he called me over to look at his latest creation.

I thought the pink polka-dotted rock was inspired…

This weekend, the kids, dogs, and I made a quick trip to my hometown for R to participate in another Greek Dance event. The weather was just amazing and I took advantage of the fact that there were multiple extra adults around and went for a walk early Sunday Morning along the water. I should have remembered my regular camera, but I was planning to do some running too, and the camera would have been to awkward to bring. So phone camera it was.

This is my favorite house on my walking route. It’s got the roof line I love in houses, wrap-around porch, nice decorative detail that is not over-done, and a widow’s walk. Someday…

I can’t wait to see what this is going to be when it’s finished. Might just have to keep visiting so I can take pictures of the progress!

Coming full-circle, we’ve got R in her Greek dance costume with her Irish blue eyes and freckles. She did a great job partaking in the Greek Independence Day celebration at church. Again, for a kid who doesn’t get the same opportunities to learn to dance that I had growing up, she did pretty well. I suspect the chance to wear a costume was a bonus for her, although for me I would have declined the pleasure if it meant dressing up more than the usual church skirt. She’s a beautiful girl no matter what she wears though!

Before I move on to putting kids on buses and getting my head collected for the week and clip on the pedometer to see just how much moving around I do in a day, I heard from K again today. He says they are still busy, the chow is good, and email is up and running. See? Somethings *are* the same there and here!

Hope you all have a picture-worthy week!

Read Full Post »

WAG that Tale

Gainfully Deployed has earned some new fans (via the Facebook group) this week and for that I’m very appreciative. Thanks for being curious/interested/bored enough to check in. I know many of the new readers are wives, moms, and/or girlfriends from K’s unit, so I thought this would be a good time to explain a few things about why most of  you will probably never meet me in person.

Long before the guys received their orders for this deployment (years before, actually), I decided that if K deployed again I would not participate in any Family Support activities. I know that the structure of things has changed somewhat this deployment as far as how the group works, but I had such a bad experience last deployment, that I not only decided, but vowed (with the dog as my witness!) I would never get involved again. K wholeheartedly supported that decision even though traditionally, through some unspoken and ridiculous rule, the wives of the soldiers of higher rank (both enlisted and officer) join or run the Family Support Group (now with help and input from the state, Guard-run Family Support Office). I was never fond of that “rule,” but when K joined this company originally (probably 2-3 years before their first deployment), I was one of the few (literally few) women who helped with fundraisers and family day and other events through Family Support.

Before 9/11, Family Support was a low-key, relatively fun thing to do, and only required work a few times throughout the year. When the deployment came up, I had no problem continuing my role or stepping up my involvement. I wanted to help. I thought that being with others who were going to understand what I was going through would be a huge help and I looked forward to getting to know other family members. I did make some important friendships during that time (I am still quite close to and talk regularly with a few of the wives from that time—they are among my best friends and I love them dearly), but for the most part, the stress of the deployment seemed to bring out the worst in people, and what I saw in others just turned me off completely to ever helping in that capacity again, not to mention making me wary of new people in my life as a general rule. The experience was brutal and taught me to hate people, which is something I’m not proud of at all and working very hard to rectify. After all the time that has passed since that first deployment ended, I’m just getting back to feeling like I can be a positive person again and I don’t care to change direction. I don’t intend to discourage people from participating in Family Support activities, nor will I badmouth anyone involved (which will be easy since I’m not involved!). Rehashing the past experience makes my stomach hurt, to be honest, and I don’t want to bring that back or to this blog. Ever.

So, while I’m sure you are all wonderful people, I’m sorry I won’t get to know you as well as you will know me if you read this blog. I just cannot open myself up to some of the insanity that goes along with a deployment. People are just not themselves. Basically I’m punishing (which is far too strong a word) everyone for the actions of a few which I know is unfair, but I value my sanity and mental well-being. Please don’t take it personally, and please don’t try to convince me that I should change my mind. I have chosen my own family’s support and it is working out splendidly (which, in my opinion, is the way it should be). I am happy, my kids are happy. I am able to manage the stress that goes along with this situation without feeling extra angst or pressure to be something I’m not. I know where to find the services I may need and that’s enough. I’m good with being a bit of a recluse.

Having been through this before, I definitely welcome any questions first-timers may have regarding things deployment-related. I do, however, reserve the right not to answer questions I think inappropriate to the blog or my life, and I may not answer you here on the blog either. Just be warned that comments are screened before they are published at my discretion, and also take note that this is my personal blog which means it is not a democracy. It’s my own little tyrannical kingdom. I am generally a benevolent leader, but I have been known to lop off the occasional head when I’m pushed.  I do hope you’ll stick around, though, and let me know what you think and how you are doing and maybe share something different (and positive, please) that others might find useful.

What I hope you get out of coming here? The realization you aren’t alone, for one. Secondly, I hope my collective experience will alert you to certain pitfalls and issues that always arise during the time apart, as well as the time coming back together, and how to meet the challenges with a (mostly) positive attitude and a modicum of humor. While we all share this event, we will all have different experiences, and come out of it changed people (some more than others). We will all get something different out of it, and a good experience, I believe, is one of choice. This is just my personal journey that I’ve decided to share as a means to show the public as truthfully as I can what life is like for families left behind, and nothing more. Thanks for reading.

On to a K update: I chatted with K the other afternoon and he is doing well and where he will be for the rest of the deployment. He is happy with how things have been going thus far, but says the accommodations are lacking and they are working hard to improve living conditions. He informs me he may even write some letters so be on the lookout! K sounded good if not already tired of being away from home. Ah, such is the life of a soldier…always wanting to be somewhere he’s not.

Read Full Post »

No green eggs, but definitely ham.

The good news is that the rain stopped and it feels like Spring. The better news is that I finally have the chance to sit down and write (and exercise and run errands and think and plan and socialize…) again. Those were a loooooong few weeks of falling off the goal wagon again and again which would have resulted in quite the case of road rash had I actually been falling off a real wagon. I realized that it wasn’t just all my freelance work hitting at the same time (although that was the biggest part), but it was R’s social life (currently on hold for this week), and working through some bumps with Monkey (which I’m happy to say we are on a “one step forward” track for the moment). Sometimes I’m at the top of my list, and sometimes I’m not. Mostly not, but I usually try to put myself in the top 5 if I can. The last few weeks I didn’t even make the list.

As I said, I did take notes along the way so that I could remember things I want to write about. At the top of that list today? Ham. You heard me right. Ham. For those of you who know Monkey, one of his defining characteristics is that he likes chicken nuggets. A lot. He has eaten them every single day since the first day he tried one several years ago (and he is only several years old). I’m not saying I go out and buy McDonald’s nuggets daily (or even weekly…bi-monthly maybe). We’ve tried all kinds of frozen nuggets from plain old chicken nuggets to throwing in the occasional fish stick that looked nuggetesque (which only works sometimes). I’ve even made homemade nuggets which he refused to consider even when drenched in ketchup. He’s allergic to soy, so the vegetarian nuggets are off limits, but if it’s breaded and nugget-shaped, it might be eaten by Monkey. He is enthusiastic about his meal and if you ask him what he wants for dinner he will happily give his patented battle cry: “Nuggets!!” When the McDonald’s commercial came out that had the chicken nugget wedding cake, we knew they had heard us talk about Monkey’s future wedding plans if he only found the right nugget-loving girl.

Enter Ponyo. She’s a goldfish who falls in love with a little boy, Sosuke, and wants to be a human girl. The movie is Japanese anime director Hayao Miyazaki’s story of The Little Mermaid and is insanely cute. We are huge fans of Miyazaki’s anime movies (my personal favorite being Porco Rosso), and I had taken the kids to see Ponyo at the theater when it was released here in the US last Fall. The kids both loved it and when it came out on dvd this week, it was my pleasure to buy it for them. Aside from Sosuke, one of Ponyo’s favorite things is ham. As a little fish, Ponyo swipes the ham from Sosuke’s sandwich and from that moment on, she is a fan of ham.

Apparently this made quite the impression on Nugget Boy. I happened to have some ham in the fridge and made myself a sandwich on Sunday after Monkey and R watched the movie. Monkey asked me if he could have some, so I ripped off a little piece and handed to him. The reality of a new food was not exciting as the thought of imitating Ponyo and before my hand even reached his plate, he said, “Uh…no thank you.” This was no surprise as he had done something similar with all kinds of new foods offered to him in the past.

Yesterday, after having his lunch (which consisted of “crabby patties” made of—wait for it—chicken nuggets with cheese and ketchup between 2 Ritz crackers) he asked again for some ham, so, again, I ripped off a piece and handed it to him. This time it got to his mouth (miraculously before Zoe snatched it out of his hand) and he put it in, made a face, and pulled it back out again. I told him he had to actually chew it and not just leave it on his tongue so he tried again and liked it. So I introduced him to ham and cheese. The heavens opened up and the angels sang. He really liked that salty combo (me too!) and ended up having it for dinner last night (between the requisite crackers, of course). If I could have laid my hands on Ponyo, I would have hugged her into a red squishy mess. Instead, I hugged Monkey until I thought his nuggety insides were going to pop out. I seriously was wondering if he was ever going to try new foods. Luckily, Monkey is a fruit fiend. He will eat pretty much any fruit you put in front of him and generally chooses fruit over sweets for snacks which is the only saving grace to his nugget habit. But now! Now maybe it’s becoming less of a habit and more of an option!

This change is also indicative of other changes in him that might seem a matter of course to others but to Monkey, they are significant and remind me that he is not on my timetable. For a kid who’s been rather stalled for the last few years, the last couple of weeks have been so hopeful. Of course, my first reaction is always to call K and share with him first since he and I have spent many a day worried about Monkey and his many issues. I have to stop myself mid-dial, run through the short list of people I like to curse when I have to go through these milestones without K to share in the fun. Then I go shoot him an email and hope he has the connection and time to read it before seeing it posted here or on Facebook. I am the lucky one because I get to be the recorder of memories and the praiser of Good Deeds, but I feel bad that both K and the kids are missing out on each other.

I know K’s absence is starting to kick in with both kids because R has told me as much not just in words, but in the fact that I am finding pictures of K in places they weren’t before. Monkey’s been a little odd in his communication, but I get it. Yesterday and today he was peeking in K’s car looking for his Daddy. I’m still trying to figure out the best way to handle these moments. Mostly I just let them happen and acknowledge to the kids that what they feel is normal and that K misses them too. Sometimes the timing is right to go send an email or draw a picture or something else to send to K, sometimes the moment comes and goes. We’ve got a long way to go yet, and I’ve learned how to build some rather impressive walls over the years, so I do my best to be sympathetic with a double-dash of emotional neutrality. This may prove to be a problem in my future, but I see no point in wailing and gnashing my teeth in front of the kids over something that cannot be changed. So I don’t. I hug them, suggest an outlet for their feelings and go about life like always. It’s the way I do things and so far it seems to be working because for the most part, the kids are happy and not letting this deployment impede their forward progress. It’s a lesson I hope they remember in the future when they face tough situations.

No doubt though, the lesson they’ll really come away with will be to try things they saw on TV. Better go cancel the cable subscription and hide the dvd collection…

Read Full Post »

Coming up for air

Did I mention that traditionally February kicks my ass? Sheesh. Sorry for the long break! The last few weeks have been the perfect storm of Winter blahs, kid wrangling, and freelancing mayhem. I had three jobs come together all at once (which I usually try to avoid like a trip to Chuck E. Cheese) and so very few kid free hours to do them in (I do need to sleep after all). Pretty much everything non-essential got shoved over so I could attempt to make a living along with, you know, living. So, I apologize. The good news is that I’ve been keeping a list of all the things I want to catch up on here and it’s kinda lengthy (some even have pictures to go along with them!). The bad news is that I am still in the midst of working so it’s going to be just a little longer. When it rains, it pours as they say. At least the Winter blahs seem to be abating with some really gorgeous early Spring weather. My favorite!

Just to update you on K’s status, training is over and he has made it to Afghanistan safely—I heard from him yesterday morning. It was just a quick email to let me know his internet connection was spotty at the moment but as soon as he could, he’d email again. I am guessing it’s going to take about a month for us to get into some sort of communication groove. He’s got to get settled into his new “home” and build a rhythm with his job, plus, you know those bad guys are going to be active with the break from Winter, so my expectations are low for how often we’ll hear from K this early on.

In the meantime, I juggle. I don’t feel quite as overwhelmed as I did just over a week ago, but I’ve still got a lot to finish up before I can sit down and write the way I want. It’s coming though! I have all kinds of things in my head just waiting to make it to the screen. Won’t be long, I promise!

Thanks for your patience!!

Read Full Post »